How Can Practitioners Extract the Essential or Correct from the Less Important or Incorrect?
Observation from Correspondent
I noticed during the Pulse Intensive Workshop that even when someone said something obviously or egregiously incorrect, you managed to correct him/her without necessarily contradicting him/her from the start. It is as if you were able to discern the element of truth in the comment, and emphasize that in relation to the rest of the statement. Then the element of truth was highlighted and, lo and behold, you had said something very instructive. Now this is a teaching scenario and not a therapeutic one, but I think it could be extrapolated into a therapeutic context. It involves discerning the essential from the less important, asking the right questions, and developing skill in communicating with another person in a non-judgmental and affirming fashion. All of which seems vital to “asking.”
Answer by Dr. Hammer
Every person brings their innate God-given and acquired talent to their life situation. That talent is always there and the task is to separate the gold from the dross, the talent from its misuse, almost always unintentional. There is evil in the world. Our job is to recognize and acknowledge it, to isolate it from doing harm, and then see what else is there. As one approach, I identify where people’s disturbing perceptions are correct and incorrect as the example below illustrates.
Example
A patient expresses one day that he thinks you do not like him. One can examine this in two ways, as an issue of perception and an issue of interpretation.
Perception
Upon questioning, he says he can identify an angry look on your face. Ask him what in your face indicates that you are angry. It could be that you did not shave, or certain lines in your face are exaggerated by lack of sleep, or if you are female, a change in make-up. Examine your face and confirm or validate what he correctly perceived or if you cannot confirm it on your own inspection, ask him to point to the offending signs, which then can be examined together. If you still cannot see them, just suggest that you are seeing different things that are equally valid if not consensual.
Interpretation
If you were indeed angry that day for some reason you can point out that their perception was correct, that you have been angry, explaining the reason as far as you feel comfortable (for example, problem with the computer, your spouse, and so on) and point out that they can trust their perceptive skill but must question their interpretation, which they center on themselves. Repetition of this process gradually leads the patient to trust their perceptions and question their interpretations.
The Practitioner’s Role
