An African-American man was referred to me by a psychiatrist. The patient was a huge man. At the end of the first session, as he was leaving he placed his hands on either side of the door to my office, announcing that he was going to destroy it, because he had been denigrated—the referring psychiatrist who was treating his wife lived in a more upscale part of town (Fifth Avenue) and he was sent to see a psychiatrist living in a less upscale part of town (Central Park West).

I stared at him for a moment and then spontaneously acknowledged that if this was his intention that I had every reason to believe from his size and anger that he could do it, easily. I made no move to oppose him or call for help. We stared at each other for a few moments and suddenly he relaxed, turned around and left. I realistically acknowledged his power and this enhanced his self-esteem sufficiently that he did not to have to act to prove it. I continued to see this man for many years and continued a correspondence for years after his life and mine took separate geographical paths.